Did you know 85% of what you worry about will never happen? That is one of the findings of an important study that has produced some startling results about worrying. The volunteers in this study were asked to write down things they worry about over a long period of time.
They were also told to record how many of their worries actually came true, and which ones did not happen. There are two main points to take away from this Pennsylvania State University study.
First, take solace in the fact that 8 1/2 of every 10 things you worry about will never be a problem in your life. Maybe more importantly, the data that comes from that study additionally showed that when the 15% of worries did happen, nearly 8 out of every 10 of the subjects said they were easily able to handle the perceived difficulty much better than they had expected.
That means an astounding 97% of the time, what you worry about will either not come to pass, or your perceptions of the difficulties it could cause in your life will be greatly overexaggerated.
Michel de Montaigne did not take part in the Pennsylvania State University study just mentioned. That is mostly because he died about 450 years before it was conducted. However, had he been alive at the time, he certainly would have agreed with the findings, and probably predict them beforehand. He knew well the problem human beings have with needless worry. One of his many famous quotes follows:
There were many terrible things in my life, and most of them never happened.”
The influential French Renaissance writer is best known for developing the essay as a popular form of literature. His devoted followers include Ralph Waldo Emerson and William Shakespeare, Rene Descartes and Friedrich Nietzsche.
Revered more as an intellectual statesman and scholar than for his writing, he was well known for entertaining the idea that self-doubt is common and can sometimes be helpful, but that when it gets out of control, it can be problematic to the point of physical and mental health problems.
What a Little Birdie Told Me about Worry…
Earl Nightingale is more than just a man with an avian last name. Raised in the depression era in the United States, Nightingale educated himself and went on to become one of the most successful publishers in the self-improvement field of print and audio media. In a short article he entitled “The Fog of Worry”, Nightingale quoted the US National Bureau of Standards (NBS), a government organization in charge of measurement standards. They stated …
A dense fog covering seven city blocks, to a depth of 100 feet, is composed of something less than one glass of water.”
He went on to use that factual piece of data to represent human worry. Using other information and statistics culled by his own personal knowledge, researchers and his years as a self-improvement coach and author, he found that only about 8% of the things you fret and fuss over are worth your time. The other 92% make up the vast fog the NBS measured as containing less than a single glass of water.
The lesson here is straightforward… stop worrying so much.
In this report on how to stop worrying and start enjoying your life, you will discover exactly why you worry, and why it may not be a bad thing some of the time. You will learn certain things you don’t need to waste your time worrying about, whether you are engaged in simple, healthy concern or you have developed an anxiety disorder, and how to block off a specific amount of time in your life for worry so it does not consume every minute of your day.
We will give you some tips on how to change negative self-talk to positive input, and how practicing mindfulness can give you more clarity concerning what to worry about, and what to ignore. Finally, you get 11 best practices proven to help you let go of anxiety, uncertainty and doubt, for better mental health and happier emotions. Let’s get started by looking into the science of how worry works in humans.
Why Do We Worry & Why Can’t We Stop?
Worrying is natural, and it’s not always bad. Human beings worry as an act of survival. If we didn’t care about the possible outcome of things going on around us, we would cease to exist.
In a harsh example, we would stop worrying about eating, drinking water and seeking shelter in extreme weather conditions. While those were general concerns for our earliest ancestors, most of us fortunately don’t have to be worried about those things.
However, our instinct to constantly monitor our surroundings for threats is still hardwired into our psyche. This means not only your physical environment, but your virtual environment, relationships, thoughts, emotions and feelings as well. In almost every situation, the things you worry about are driven by perceived or actual …
…Fear.
You are afraid of failing or afraid of succeeding. You are afraid of staying put or you are afraid of moving on. You are afraid of obsessing or you are afraid of letting go. The fear that some negative result will come from your action or inaction is the basic reason why people worry and, in extreme cases, let anxiety rule their lives.
The Positive Side of Worry
Not all worry is negative. When you are concerned about something to the point that it motivates you to some success, worry can be good. If you are concerned that you will become an alcoholic because you have seen people around you display negative behaviors caused by their alcoholism, this could lead you to never let alcohol be a problem in your life.
In this way, anxiety can be good. Unfortunately, most of what we worry about causes unnecessary stress, which can lead to mental and physical health issues. This includes the following 7 common anxieties that should be avoided.
5 Stressful Worries that Aren’t Worth Your Time
Human beings are creatures of habit. This means that sometimes we worry about the same things over and over. Worry becomes a part of our daily routine, because certain things you experience at the same time every day trigger concern and anxiety over what may or may not happen “if”.
Many of your habitual worries are not worth one second of your valuable time. Stop wasting your time on the following 5 common worry-targets and start spending your time more productively.
1 – “If I go after my dream job/career, I will end up in worse shape than I am now.”
Comfort kills. If you are one of those rare individuals who has a passion that you want to pursue, go after it. You could indeed fail. So what? Just start all over again. The mental, emotional and spiritual rewards you receive when you do what you really want to in life simply cannot be overstated.
Remember this. Dreams don’t disappear just because you decide to ignore them. Would you rather work at a job you hate for the rest of your life, or spend the rest of whatever time you have left chasing a dream?
2 – “My personal success will scare away my friends.”
This thought is more common than you might believe. You may have heard that you are the average of the 5 people you hang around with most of the time. This means that, in most cases, you associate with people who are like you.
You are in basically the same financial brackets, you like the same things, and your aspirations are pretty much identical. This means it might make sense to wonder how your friends will respond if you suddenly become vastly different than them in some way.
This is really a concern built on excuse-making.
If you believe that achieving some goal or creating some dream reality will cause your friends to look at you in a negative light, this idea might be coming from a fear of failure. You adopt this excuse so you don’t have to put forth any effort to change your life.
Whether or not you have used this excuse before, or it is a valid concern of yours, be done with it. If any of your friends stop associating with you because you do something wonderful, were they really your friends in the first place?
3 – “What if I fail?”
This may be the most pointless concern of all. WD-40 is an amazingly versatile chemical lubricant. Its inventor was trying to create a water displacement (WD) spray that could be used in hard-to-reach places. The WD-40 which is probably in your kitchen cupboard or garage right now was invented on the 40th attempt. What would’ve happened if its creator gave up after 10 or 20 or 39 tries?
Being scared of failure and letting that fear destroy effort means never finding out how truly amazing you are. Most of the world’s most significant achievements have come because someone was courageous in the face of fear. They didn’t care what anybody else thought about them, and while they gave failure some consideration, it paled in comparison to the benefits of a possible achievement.
Stop worrying about failure, because you probably won’t fail, and if you do, your experience will not be anywhere near as disastrous as you are thinking it will be.
4 – “What will people think of me if…”
Here is some news that may shock you. Are you sitting down? Good, because the truth of the matter is, nobody is really paying attention. People are such egotistical beings. We concern ourselves with what people will think if we do something or don’t do something. We are concerned if we part our hair on the left will people think we look silly, so we part our hair on the right, and wonder why someone is looking at us.
People have their own worries and concerns. In almost every situation, no one is really paying attention to you. The only opinions you should concern yourself with come from your “me, myself, and I”, and your friends, family and loved ones.
5 – “What will happen if I leave this relationship?”
Instead of worrying that you may have to be lonely if you break off a dead-end relationship, the real worry should be wasting your time in a relationship that is unfulfilling. Every minute you spend in a significant relationship that is abusive, hurtful, going nowhere or otherwise not up to your set of values is a minute wasted.
The answer is to not create “what if” scenarios that force you to stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling you personally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Worry vs. Anxiety Disorders: Know the Symptoms
If you worry about your kids, that is normal. All parents want the best for their children. On a long car trip, wondering if you have enough gas for the last leg of your destination without having to stop and refuel is another common concern. Worrying if you will hit a job deadline or if your outdoor pet is safe during a storm are anxieties that are definitely worth your time.
Some people seem to be able to find anxiety and worry in just about everything. On top of normal, everyday worries, they become stressed out over nearly all people, events, situations and occurrences they are involved with. This is when there is a serious problem, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder or social anxiety disorder.
If you experience more than a couple of the following symptoms regularly, schedule an appointment with your doctor or a mental health professional as soon as possible.
- Excessive worry is the principal characteristic of a generalized anxiety disorder or GAD. If you have anxiety and worry some thoughts nearly every day of the week for 6 months, your doctor will diagnose you as having GAD.
- Chronic fatigue.
- Problems falling asleep, as well as staying asleep.
- You experience digestive problems so frequently that you think they are normal.
- Immediately upon waking, your mind is “racing”.
- Social phobia and stage fright, you think about and become anxious when presented with the mere idea of being around large groups of people you don’t know.
- Experiencing fears you know are irrational.
- Your muscles are consistently tensed and flexed.
- You feel like everyone is watching your every move, all of the time.
- Sudden, crippling panic.
- Some person, environment or situation causes flashbacks that are not caused by post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
- You feel like you have to be perfect at everything.
- Compulsive, repetitive behaviors.
- Extreme self-doubt, more than is natural or healthy.
The following are a few recognized anxiety disorders in addition to those mentioned above.
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder
- Specific social phobia
- Tokophobia (a pathological fear of getting pregnant and giving birth)
- Hyperventilation syndrome
- Panic disorder
- Agora phobia without panic disorder
Make Worry More Productive: Create a “Worry Period” & Find Solutions
You create specific blocks of time in your life for so many of your activities. Why not do this with worry? This is an ingenious way to use the tendency of your brain to crave order and discipline to your advantage.
You create a “worry period” each day or every few days. This is the only time you obsess over your concerns and anxieties, and during this timeframe, you also want to be very honest with yourself.
For instance, you could give yourself from 7:45 to 8:00 AM each morning to go over whatever concerns or worries you have. Write them down. Look at them objectively. You will no doubt identify those that require absolutely none of your time, or that you have no control over.
Draw a line through them and mentally cross them off.
At the end of each day, schedule another 15 or 30 minute “worry session”. Do the same thing as you did in the morning. If any new worry rears its ugly head during the day, write it down in your worry journal, and address it during your next scheduled session.
When you look over your list of concerns, focus on solutions, and not putting things off. Money is a concern for a lot of people. If you find that you are constantly writing “I am worried I will not be able to pay the electric bill on time” each month, a part-time job or serious look at your expenditures could prove a simple answer.
How to Change Your Negative Self-Talk to Reduce Worry
We all engage in self-talk. Unfortunately, most of our self-talk is negative. This is linked to a survival instinct, but when you give into that constant monkey chatter that is going on in your brain seemingly 24 hours a day, you relinquish control over your actions. Here are a few simple ways to turn negative self-talk into positive action.
- Shout “Stop!” whenever you catch yourself listening to your inner voice. Obviously, you cannot do this in some situations, so you would silently shout this command to your inner voice during those times.
- Visualize a box. In that box you are going to place your negative thoughts. See yourself physically picking up a textual representation of your negative thoughts and placing them in the box, and then closing the lid. Tell yourself that once you place a thought in this box, that thought disappears.
- As soon as your inner voice tells you something negative, stop and ask yourself, “Is this really the case?” Take time to question your negative voice, instead of accepting it as the truth.
- Understand that your constant self-talk is simply a product of your brain. It doesn’t need to be followed, listened to or obeyed. It is simply your brain saying something, and you don’t have to listen if you don’t want to.
- Tell yourself these are thoughts and not realities. If you think, “I am a failure as a parent”, reword that to say, “I am having a thought that I am a failure as a parent.” This takes the power out of your inner voice, but it still allows you to look at the situation objectively to see if you need to take some type of appropriate action.
- Give your negative inner voice a name. Make it a silly one that makes you smile, and you rob your negative self-talk of its power.
- Understand there is no such thing as perfection. Perfectionism can lead to stress and self-doubt, which can result in unhealthy and problematic behaviors.
How to Practice Mindfulness So You Worry Less
You don’t have to be a lifelong practitioner of yoga and mystical Eastern practices to benefit from mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply being more mindful of the things in your life. It means taking notice of your activities at the simplest levels.
There are so many things that can cause you to worry, and the more distractions and responsibilities you have in your life, the more worried you will be.
Being mindful allows you to focus on the present moment, down to the exact second you are experiencing right now. You ignore the “everything” in your life, and focus on just one thing. You can take a few times each day to be mindful about your breath, fully experiencing the physical process of breathing a single breath. As you walk, be mindful about every action you are taking which leads you to put one foot in front of the other.
When you take time to be mindful of your financial situation, you have concrete and identifiable data in front of you. Instead of worrying about things that may or may not happen to you financially, mindfulness of your finances can lead you to draw up a plan of action which means never worrying about money again.
When you practice mindfulness, clear your physical and mental environments of distraction. Focus on one thing and one thing only. This is the cornerstone of being mindful, being totally aware of a single moment, a single object, a single emotion.
You don’t have to be a monk and meditate to be mindful, though frequent meditation to accompany your daily mindfulness sessions has been proven to reduce stress and worry.
11 Tips for Letting Go of Worries You Have No Control Over
Have you ever worried about something you have absolutely no control over? You know there is no possible way you to influence the outcome of an event or situation, yet you still fret and bother over it. You are a rational person, and you understand this really is irrational behavior.
However, you can’t seem to let go of the worry. The following 11 tips, techniques and tactics will help you identify the situations in your life you can’t control, so you can let go of needless worry.
- Look at the situation as an outsider. This can give you a true perspective of whatever you are worrying about.
- Gain a new skill. If you are worrying over something you can’t control, get the training or knowledge you need to be able to exert an influence over the situation.
- Remember that you truly don’t have control over the behaviors of others.
- Get physical. Exercise stimulates the brain and the body, and releases hormones and chemicals which drive up happiness and self-esteem, and lower stress and self-doubt.
- Pick up a hobby or pursue a passion. If you like painting, writing or volunteering, spend your time doing those things rather than on needless worry.
- Practice yoga or meditation to clear your mind, improve your sense of well-being, and lower your stress level.
- Take responsibility of what you can control, and spend your time exerting your influence there.
- Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Then you may see why that person behaves the way they do.
- Remember the good parts of a relationship, but take time to recognize the negative parts as well. This could help you move on.
- Look at a failed relationship as a circumstance or event, not as who you are.
- Write down your feelings in a letter and read it to yourself.
7 Worry Quotes to Motivate You and Help You Stress Less
- “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It’ll give you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” – Erma Bombeck
- “If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie
- “Somehow our devils are never quite what we expect when we meet them face to face.” – Nelson DeMille
- “Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” – Swedish proverb
- “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” – Elbert Hubbard
- “Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due.” – William Ralph Inge
- “That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.” – Chinese proverb
Remember…
Worrying is normal. It is a survival mechanism that has been hardwired in human beings since the beginning of our history. Your earliest ancestors worried on a daily basis if they would find something to eat, a reasonable concern.
Thousands of years later, you worry if you are going to be able to pay your bills, retire when you want to, and wonder how you’re going to finance your daughter’s wedding. Just as with your cave-dwelling ancestors then, many of your daily concerns are valid.
Problems begin to happen physically and mentally when you worry most of the time. This could lead to a Generalized Anxiety Disorder that could negatively impact every area of your life. There are things you should worry about, but most of the time, you need to let go of worry.
Learn to identify those things you can’t control, and let go. Use the techniques mentioned earlier to change negative self-talk into a positive, motivational conversation.
Create a block of “worry time” in your daily routine, and try to spend the rest of your day worry-free. Use mindfulness, a proven stress-reliever and mental health-booster, to gain control over the worrywart part of your conscious mind.
You don’t need to constantly dwell on perceived troubles and difficulties, because as you learned in the introduction of this report, your concerns are only valid 15% of the time. Stop worrying about what may happen “If”, and enjoy the mental peace and health you deserve.
